Are Sewers Real


Greenish ooze weeping like tears out a butt ulcer
May 10, 2020
Hey all,

So kind of a crazy question, but could sewers be real places?

Like, we've seen them all over video games ever since the original Mario Bros invented the artistic concept of a sewer (a blocky, pipey place where bad dudes run wild and need their shit stomped), and it's been expanded since. We've now seen whole words of pipes and tubes, floating platforms, labyrinthine mazes, and crazy critters. Sharks and crocs lurk the depths. The green swill will eat you alive. Filth clings to every surface. They're as dangerous as they are disgusting, and yet I have a secretly sneaking suspicion that they might be real.

I was researching Nintendo trying to find info on whether or not Waluigi was actually Wario after he laid on a train track and had himself flattened out and nose elongated. I found nothing concrete, but I did come across this information:

Back in 1992 Nintendo apparently attempted to capitalize on a sewer craze that swept through Japan. They threw ten thousand lollipops in a mahole and called it the Sewer of Sweets Adventure, inviting children to dive into the sewers and eat candy until they were fat as Mario! Nintendo could have never predicted, however, that every child that participated either cracked their skulls on concrete, were poisoned by toxic sludge, or were eaten alive by alligators. It was a catastrophe, and Nintendo promptly burned what was left of the corpses, shredded all the evidence, and never spoke of it again.

Nintendo has been using its worldwide influence to bury any mention of sewers in newspapers or media ever since. They're burying their shame and in doing so hiding an important and chilling truth from us. I don't know if they'll have me killed for typing this, but I even have an inkling that sewers might be where our poops go.

I know it's weird, but I think it might be true. Has anyone else ever thought about this? What if they're real? Hiding just beneath us? What if I fall into one? What if I slide off a platform and die?

It's scary stuff.
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