Every time my cat meows it breaks me heart

[Vadicta]

A little backstory first: I have a cat.

Now here's the problem, he meows sometimes. That wouldn't be a big deal, but it's never about anything important. He's never being hunted by an apex predator or reminding me to do my taxes. It's always shit like, "Hey, chase me around the house" or "Come pet me while I eat." He doesn't understand that I'm lazy and tired.

It always sounds so pitiful, though, that I eventually get up and pet him while he eats and chase him around the house (Even though I sometimes run out of breath and feel my heart beat faster).

I'm a weak sack of flesh, and he has me wrapped around his paw. Please teach me to be strong. It's very hard to stand up against a face like this.

 

[RiffRaff]

I feel you more than you can imagine.

 

[Vadicta]

I feel you more than you can imagine.

Imagining how you'd feel me is the only way I get through the day.

 

[Dangus Taargus]

I have two cats. The first one we got at ten weeks old and he has a very loud, distinct meow - he's a pro. The second cat was rescued at 2 years old, and we're pretty sure she spent most if not all of that time outdoors. Six years later and she can just barely blurt out little crackled yelps when she wants something. They sound so pitiful. I guess it's true what they say about meowing only being a way to communicate with humans and not other cats, because the boy learned how to do it while he was growing, and the girl is only just figuring it out at like 8 years old.

 

[Scrustle]

Your cat is pretty big.

 

[Vadicta]

I have two cats. The first one we got at ten weeks old and he has a very loud, distinct meow - he's a pro. The second cat was rescued at 2 years old, and we're pretty sure she spent most if not all of that time outdoors. Six years later and she can just barely blurt out little crackled yelps when she wants something. They sound so pitiful. I guess it's true what they say about meowing only being a way to communicate with humans and not other cats, because the boy learned how to do it while he was growing, and the girl is only just figuring it out at like 8 years old.

I'm pretty sure Toast only lived outdoors before we got him, because he was ragged with mats and shit, but he's only just over two and can already shatter me with just the smallest opening of his mouth. He's a fucking super villain, I swear.

 

[Roager]

Our cats don't meow much, they usually just communicate by scratching at the thing they want. Let me in, scratchscratch. Let me out, scratchscratch. Pet me, paw at the air. Maybe because they were strays as younglings?

 

[Charlton Heston]

It's clear to me what needs to be done, but only the stoutest of hearts can endure the trial I have engineered to save your poor soul from the maw of tyranny, Kyle.

You must accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. Only then may you be truly free.

Also eat the cat.

 

[Vadicta]

Also eat the cat.

Finally, some sensible advice!

Important question: How do I keep the cat from meowing when I try to eat him? I'll lose the heart to do it, if he does.

 

[Charlton Heston]

Finally, some sensible advice!

Important question: How do I keep the cat from meowing when I try to eat him? I'll lose the heart to do it, if he does.

I mean, I always Sméagol my meals, and they never see it coming.

So juicy sweet.

 

[Inquisitive Ravenclaw]

Cats are an International Treasure deserving of our love and attention!*

*Not written by a cat. I am a human-type person.

 

[Vadicta]

I mean, I always Sméagol my meals, and they never see it coming.

So juicy sweet.

What is a Sméagol? Is that some kind of fancy French cooking? My cat might be French. I'm afraid he'll figure out what I'm up to before it's too late to stop me.

 

[Vadicta]

Cats are an International Treasure deserving of our love and attention!*

*Not written by a cat. I am a human-type person.

Hmmm. Seems legit, carry on.

 

[Charlton Heston]

What is a Sméagol? Is that some kind of fancy French cooking? My cat might be French. I'm afraid he'll figure out what I'm up to before it's too late to stop me.

If he's French, he won't be able to stop you, anyway.

He'll just meow something pedantic and roll over, so you can evenly season his other side.

 

[Vadicta]

If he's French, he won't be able to stop you, anyway.

He'll just meow something pedantic and roll over, so you can evenly season his other side.

You're clearly going too senile to realize the fucking problem CHARLTON! If he meows I won't be able to do it!!!

That's what this whole thread is about! Goddamn!

 

[Charlton Heston]

You're clearly going too senile to realize the fucking problem CHARLTON! If he meows I won't be able to do it!!!

That's what this whole thread is about! Goddamn!

I'll admit, I'm halfway in the grave and I barely pay attention to things, but if you need to have sex with your cousin, just do it, man. Get it out of your system.

If you learn nothing else from this, please, I have a Craigslist listing for a used '88 Cadillac, and I would dearly appreciate it if you would share said listing with your Facebook friends.

I'll figure out how to link web pages later when my niece's ghost visits me. She was always savvy.