Greenish ooze weeping like tears out a butt ulcer
May 10, 2020
Hey everyone everywhere!

You know what's also everywhere? Arcades!

That's right, let's all head back in time to when that statement was actually true and ponder what our first ever video game experience in the humble arcade was. Too young to have visited your local coin-op? Then, FUCK OFF! This thread isn't for you!!!! Don't even respond with, "I've never even seen an arcade lol." I don't care! I already know I'm dying. My neck is so fucked up and I'm starting to learn to regret decisions that I made when I was younger. I already have a foot in the grave, there's no reason to toss dirt on it.

Anyway... Oh! You want to know what my first arcade game was? Well, I mean if you all insist, then I guess I can get this thread started.

I grew up in a little town called Shamokin in a little state called Pennsylvania. That means Penn's Woods, by the way, because some rich asshole bought it and thought "Holy shit! That's a lot of trees!" That's all I know about Pennsylvania.

In this small town there was no standard arcade, no black-lit box of machines and teens. There were just establishments that happened to have some arcade games in them. Like a Pizza Hut with Mortal Kombat, or a swimming pool with Marvel Vs Capcom 2, or a roller rink with Dig Dug and Galaga--or a bar with a game where you could spot the differences between naked ladies.

There was also a bar that had the original Tapper, which I played before I'd ever known of Root Beer Tapper. I spent a lot of time in bars as a child.

The boobie game did come before the beer-pouring game, however, so that's what I'll talk about. You see, this game was what internet culture would later term "addictive." It had a very simple interface in which you touched a screen, and a circle would appear where you tapped. That's what would later be understood as "immersive feedback." There were two pictures. On one side would be a naked model, and on the other side was the same naked model--or was she????? You see, much like a Highlights magazine there were subtle incongruities between the photos. Sometimes a nipple would be a different color, or a beachball in the background of one photo would be mysteriously absent in the other. Were these ghosts at work? Were these haunted photos, and by spotting the differences we could free the images of any demonic possessors and allow the beautiful naked women to finally rest at peace? I can't say for sure, but yes. Absolutely.

Speaking of horror, much like Resident Evil, there were two paths you could choose. This may be the first arcade game to offer multiple storylines. You see there was an option for Babes and also one for Hunks. I've played Resident Evil several times and never once as Chris Redfield, and this case is unfortunately the same where I'm sure there are key plot details I've missed by never experiencing the game in Hunk mode.

I never had any money, so I usually stole quarters from the pool table where people reserved games. it added to the experience to have drunk dudes full of rage shouting about fifty cents behind my back as I played. There was an extra layer of danger, excitement. I really think it would be a lesser game in a more sterile environment, but I'm sure that's true of many arcade games.

Anyway, that's my experience. I'm sure it'll be the same as a lot of yours, but we all got to start somewhere!
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